Wednesday, August 31, 2011

Maternity Clothes

So this week I think it finally belly has popped out and I officially look like a real mama bear. It feels so good to be out of the awkward "maybe she's just fat" stage, and be into the "aw she's such a cute preggie" stage now. I was starting to get a little self concious about my "FUPA", as we call it. (If you have to ask, you probably shouldn't google it).

So in honor of my newly grown baby bump, and my ever shrinking jeans (its them, not me, I swear!), I went shopping for some cute maternity clothes. To my susprise and disdain, there is no such thing as "cute" maternity clothes. Everything makes you look like you have no boobs, are WAY larger than you actually are, cover everything up as if you're a shrew that shouldn't ever see the light of day, or give you a massive camel toe. Great.

I originally went shopping for jeans with a belly panel, but ended up going home with a new bra, a few pairs of cute underwear, 2 new pairs of shoes, a dress, and a few decent shirts that I can wear to work (woo effing hoo...). Looks like I might be converting some of my exisiting jeans into elastic waistband DIY projects in the next few weeks.

On another note, we get to find out out little nugget's gender in just a few short weeks! I can't wait to start buying miniature clothes, decorating the nursery and planning the baby shower!

Today's playlist:
Two Weeks - Grizzly Bear
Maps - Yeah Yeah Yeahs
When I'm With You - Best Coast

Tuesday, August 23, 2011

14 weeks!

Along with more energy, my 2nd trimester has had plenty of upsides already. My appetite is back (with a vengance) and I no longer need daily naps. I was a little worried at first, because I was starting to feel SO great, that I was starting to wonder if I was still pregnant! Rest assured, we heard our baby's heartbeat (for the first time, yippie!!!), at our last appointment which was really special! I wanted to ask the doctor is we could listen to the thumping for a little longer, but we had plenty of other things to talk about. According to google, in just 3 short weeks we will be able to hear our lil nugget's heartbeat with a stethoscope! I'm looking forward to friend's and family being able to share that special feeling with us. And being able to satisfy my worry-wart self with daily heartbeat checks haha

Another great thing about this week is that I feel like I am finally starting to show! I have been measuring my belly and it has grown a full 5 inches from my original size. Maybe I didn't notice it because I see myself everyday, but that is a big change! I definitely feel my body changing more and more as time goes on. For instance, the top of my abdomen feels really tight and stuffed full of organs because my uterus is getting bigger and shoving everything up and out of the way. The only downside to getting bigger is more heartburn. Lets just say I have a heavy supply of Tums with me at all times now...

Since about 6 weeks along, I have been taking periodic polaroid pictures to document how big I get, and the different stages of my pregnancy. It will be exciting to show our baby once he/she old enough how I looked while I was pregnant.

Also, our doctor let us know that we will be able to find out the gender of our nugget around the end of next month! This entire time I have said that I didn't care what we had, but now that things are becoming more real to me, I think I am definitely leaning towards wanting a boy. I have always envisioned Bobby teaching our kids how to ride a bike, and fish and shoot a slingshot. Definitely boy activities. We'll see how it goes!

Today's playlist:
I Follow Rivers - Lykke Li
Good Woman - Cat Power
Soft Shock - Yeah Yeah Yahs

Thursday, August 11, 2011

New Updates!

So today was my first ultrasound since the hospital fiasco 2 weeks ago, and boy was it a relief to see our little nugget's heart beating away on the ultrasound screen! Bobby had to work and couldn't make it to my appointment, so I took my mom with me and it was actually really nice to have her there because she was so excited to see our baby in real life for the first time instead of just a crummy picture. Also, she is referring to our kid as "him" and "he" Can you guess what she's hoping for?  :] Silly mama!

The reason I went in was to get my standard 1st trimester Nuchal Translucency screening, which is basically the first step in a 2 part screening for genetic abnormalities like Down Syndrome, Tay Sachs, etc. We won't get the preliminary results for about a week, so we are keeping our fingers crossed that our nugget is healthy and thriving. Before my appointment, we discussed the possibility of our baby having a disability and we came to the conclusion that we will love it no matter what the circumstances might be. We have worked so hard to prepare ourselves for parenthood, and whatever the universe decides to hand us, we know we can make it work.

So far, everything looks, feels and seems to be working out! Our little jellybean even waved hello!

Also, we recently celebrated making it to the 12 week mark, which is a huge deal for us. Not only do the chances of miscarriage go down significantly after 12 weeks, it marks the beginning of your 2nd trimester. I think now things are starting to feel real to me and I have been in full blown mommy mode. I'm constantly scouring the internet for discounts on baby products and already designing the nursery in my head. I'm fully taking advantage of my new found energy. Who knows how long it will last!

Today's playlist:
Our Deal - Best Coast
I'm Good, I'm Gone - Lykke Li
The Dog Days Are Over - Florence and the Machine

Thursday, August 4, 2011

Hospitals are scary

So of course the minute I announce our news to everyone at work, and all of my non-immediate peeps, something bad happens that scares the beejesus out of us. Its Saturday morning, and I just got out of the shower and I'm getting ready for my best friend's Bridal Shower (which I cooked a lot of the food for and was bringing a lot of supplies for too). I'm standing in front of the mirror just brushing my hair when I feel something wet on my leg. I look down and realize I have a large amount of blood just spilling out of me. My first reaction is HOLY SHIT MY BABY IS DYING. My second reaction is HOLY SHIT MY BABY IS DYING.

I start crying, yell for Bobby (he's still asleep) and sit down while I try to get a grip on what is happening. All the worst scenarios keep flashing through my brain and I can't believe this is happening to me....again.

What most of you don't know if that I had a miscarriage in February...a few weeks before our wedding. It was one of the most heartbreaking, confusing, scary and frustrating times in my life. I really have no idea how I managed to make it through. I guess what they say is true. You figure out who your real friends and family are during hard times. Luckily I have an amazing husband who was nothing but supportive and loving the entire time, and a really kind mother who held my hand every step of the way. I'm lucky to have them both and wouldn't have been able to deal with any of it if it weren't for them.

So now, being 11 weeks along and seeing blood after absolutely no spotting the entire rest of my pregnancy, the first thing I say to myself is "Not again!" I was absolutely crushed and so angry at myself for not waiting until my 1st trimester was over to tell everyone. I felt stupid and alone. I felt terrified and embarassed. I felt scared and pissed. I felt everything at once and there was nothing I could do about any of it.

Bobby called the hospital and we decided to go in to get checked out. So I get myself all wrapped up in some comfy clothes and head to the ER. By this point, I've already convinced myself that the worst is already happening, and I'm just in tears and can hardly contain myself.

We get checked into a room, wait for about an hour to see the doctor and I get a pelvic exam. The first thing he notices is that I'm not dialted. Which is a good sign. He says that I'm not bleeding anymore, but they still want to draw blood and get an ultrasound before they let us go. Another 2 hours of waiting before I get wheeled (bed, gown & all) over to the Labor & Delivery department. They give me an ultrasound, which was excruciatingly long, and luckily, I was able to convince the technician to tell me whether or not the baby still had a heartbeat. Techs aren't supposed to read the test results, but I think she could see the worry already creased into my brow and decided to do me the kidness of not making me wait.

Baby's heart is still going strong. 168 beats per minute to be exact.

After 5 hours, and an unmeasurable amount of stress, they told me everything was fine & that I could go home. Half a relief, and half a frustrating, inconclusive waste of time. I was able to make it to my girlfriend's bridal shower, just as they were opening the presents & saying goodbye. I hope she knows that if I could have controlled this whatsoever, I would have made it happen on any other day.

So now, all I can do is sit, wait & hope that everything will be OK. I think it might have just been a sign that I need to take it easy. I'm used to doing everything for everyone & being everywhere & acting like superwoman. I need to remember that I'm only human, and whatever "urgent" task I need to take care of is just small beans compared to what my body is trying to do: Create a life. I need to sit down, put my feet up and take all the help I can get. And that is exactly what I intend to do. Sorry everyone, I have a date for the next 6 months or so with the couch and I'm not getting up for ANYONE! (except to pee & eat)

Today's playlist:
Under Control - The Strokes
Pa Pa Power - Dead Man's Bones
In My Life - The Beatles